Undercover, the sequel to Blue Scrubs, now in prose format
by Tanith Panic
Summary: When prison officer Ethan Raceheart is arrested for receiving stolen money, there are consequences for new characters and old inmates alike. But what made Ethan go to the dark side? Will be rating this as T because there are some dark moments.
1. Chapter 1

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER ONE

This is a prose version of Blue Scrubs 2, now called Undercover and written in prose to keep within guidelines. Warning for the whole story: There will be some mild references to drugs and also some violence here and there. It is still meant to be dark comedy/parody.

Justice Bloodanguts was looking forward to his lunch, but not so much that he didn't have time to heap abuse on the prisoner in the dock. Ethan Raceheart was his most loathed kind of criminal; a former prison officer who had abused the rules and taken stolen money from an outside source.

"Ethan Raceheart, you have been found guilty of receiving stolen money and accepting bribes while in a position of trust. You will therefore go to prison for ten years. And believe me, if I could sentence you to a lethal injection, I would."

"You can't though, can you, you old fart?" asked the hardened criminal with the face of an angel.

Bloodanguts feared his ulcer would prevent him from enjoying his lunch but he would soldier on and eat it.

"Take him down" he snapped, and Raceheart was led away to the cells to await transportation to Holby prison. This time in a completely different role to his last one.

The next day, Ethan's wife, Honey Raceheart, confronted him in the cell. The solicitor, Skankworth, hovered anxiously.

"You underhand scum!"

"Awww, shut it! You didn't care when you were getting the f*cking house with two en suite rooms and the f*cking solarium, did you, bitch?" he spat at her.

"Don't you think you'll get anywhere near our Melanie" - Honey referred to their two-year-old daughter - "I'll make sure you don't even get to see her at Christmas."

"Well I'm not likely to if I'm rotting in here, am I, you dumb slut?"

"Could I have five minutes alone with my husband please, Mr Skankworth?" Honey asked.

"Do you think that's wise, my dear? He could turn violent."

"So could I" was Honey's rejoinder.

Skankforth discreetly slipped out.

After a pause in which they both heard the solicitor moving away from the door, Honey and Ethan were in each others' arms.

"I'm sorry it's got to be this way", Ethan whispered in between kisses.

"You wait till you've cracked that vice ring and you're a D.I."

"This job only gets me on the first rung of the ladder towards a D.I. but it's a start" whispered Ethan, wanting so much to start caressing Honey and then making slow, sensuous love to her. He knew what had to be done and nodded towards the door.

Knowing the signal, Honey flung herself on him, punching and kicking – being very careful not to hurt him too badly. Skankforth came rushing in, and separated them, clucking like an old turkey.

" _Mrs Raceheart!"_

"He pulled my hair" wailed Honey.

"I want to scalp you, bitch."

Skankforth concluded that the meeting between Raceheart and his wife had been unsuccessful.

Up in a luxurious bedroom in Cedar Lodge, the mansion belonging to Count Calvino Calvini, the Count was enjoying a very undignified bounce on the bed with his wife and her girlfriend. Calvino, secretly so in love with Connie Beauchamp that he would have done anything for her, had married her to avert the media attention from her romance with her personal assistant, Rita. Now sometimes his heart ached when he saw them together, but Calvino was not the malicious type and he had himself suggested this marriage. So he had the occasional lady visitors to the mansion and kept his mouth shut. It helped that they all enjoyed the same corny old TV repeats and their tastes in music almost matched. If you counted Calvino's favourite aria from Tosca with Rita's favourite song 'I've been to the year 3000', that is.

The phone rang.

"I'll get it! I'll get it!" Rita was like an eager little puppy.

"Rita Skeeter, it's only on the table next to me", Connie teased her, and reached out for it.

"Charlie! Hello, how's it going?"

Countess Connie Calvini-Beauchamp still worked at Holby prison, but without a wage. She just loved her role there too much to quit. The previous year she had not only saved Calvino from a Balsovian firing-squad but had been instrumental in finding out the truth about Benjamin Chiltern, another inmate, who had been proved innocent and released, and was now married to Dr Dylan Keogh, one of the prison doctors.

"I see. So he's coming to Holby next week? He'll need keeping an eye on, you know how bent cops are treated in prison. Mmm..hmmm. Yes. True. Oh, how's Operation Tower going? Tess hates it? Bless her. Still, it is a holiday for you two. I know. Right then, Rita and I will be over about two pm. Look forward to it. Mmm…hmmm."

She put down the phone.

"Rita, get ready, darling, we're going to Holby. You'll need to change; that French Maid's outfit is totally inappropriate."

"Connie, my darling?"

"Yes, Vino? Want to come along?"

"Maybe that might not be a good idea. But I was wondering, could we have a dog or cat?"

"Well of course! Whichever you want, the only creatures I can't stand are fish, as you know."

"Ah, in that case I shall busy myself on the Internet and see which I fancy most, a dog or a pussy."

Rita began to giggle, but Calvini wasn't suspicious. The weather forecast could make Rita giggle at times.

Meanwhile, in Blackpool, in the luxurious Tower ballroom, on live TV for the Boris Horace Sleaze show, neither Max Walker, Zoe Hanna, Charlie Fairhead or Tess Bateman-Fairhead were truly happy.

A/N: As I hate fish myself I thought I'd cheekily transfer that attribute to the lovely Connie.

(


	2. Chapter 2

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER TWO

Tess Bateman-Fairhead was not a happy honeymooner. True, she was just married to the affable Charlie Fairhead, her fellow prison officer, and had a lovely room in the classy Waterfalls hotel, but there was a fly in the ointment. Two flies, to be exact, called Max and Zoe Walker.

Mrs Beauchamp, in her wisdom, had decided that the newly married – and heavily pregnant – Zoe should have a honeymoon. So she'd financed Tess and Charlie's honeymoon… on condition that they took Zoe and Max, who had been tagged rather than handcuffed this time, with them. Which meant babysitting the wretches day and night. They'd had to take them to the Pleasure Beach, where Zoe had constantly whined about only being able to go on the wimp rides in her condition. They'd gone to the zoo where Tess had had to endure Max pulling silly faces at the monkeys. And now they were in the Tower Ballroom where Sleaze Night was being filmed live.

Sleaze Night was the ballroom dancing competition programme introduced by Boris Horace Sleaze, an irritating comedian who lived up to his name.

Right now he was bouncing round the stage like an overgrown schoolboy.

"Welcome, WELCOME to another wonderful Sleaze Night. Just be brave, step on to the dance floor, and you'll be in the running to win a fabulous holiday for two in the Caribbean plus –"

-A chord from the orchestra –

"- A thousand pounds spending money!"

Whoops and cheers. Tess snorted as several happy, hopeful couples ran out on to the dance floor.

Not so Zoe and Max. Being so pregnant, Zoe could not risk dancing, and was feeling a bit peevish about that. It had been her dream to have a honeymoon that included a trip to the Tower Ballroom but now she just had to watch. Although she had to admit it was good of Connie Calvini-Beauchamp and her handsome husband to finance this trip for them, if only they hadn't insisted on the watchdogs going along as well. Then Zoe, seeing that Tess Bateman only had eyes for the dancers in front of her, nudged Max cheekily and slipped out her hip flask of vodka. Bless the Jeffs and their scams! But it wasn't her own drink that she slipped the vodka into…

Tess turned back, had a greedy swig of her J20 Mango, and suddenly felt as if she was in love with the whole world.

"I want to dance. Come on Charlie, let's do it."

Charlie and Tess arrived on the dance floor just as the music stopped. Boris noticed them and trumpeted it to the entire ballroom crowd.

"Awww, look at that, folks, a couple of silver surfers timed out! Tell you what, sweetie, you sit back and let the younger ones have a go, eh?"

Then the band began to play "Wonderful, Wonderful Copenhagen". Tess wasn't going to let the younger ones spoil this. She steered Charlie into the middle of the floor and they waltzed, with Tess crooning drunkenly into Charlie's ear:

"Wonderful wonderful Charlie Fairhead, almost as lovely as meeee…."

Max wagged his finger at Zoe, who was on the verge of howling with laughter.

A jive began.

"Throw me around, Charlie, I'm yours!" Tess crowed.

"She's just offended every feminist with UK TV reception" snarled Zoe.

The jive gave way to the Argentine Tango, the Salsa and the Viennese Waltz. One by one, Boris oiled his way round the floor, sending couples back to their seats. Until only one couple was left standing.

"AND these are our winners! A luxury fortnight's holiday for these two stars, with a thousand pounds spending money! What's your name, darling?"

"Tess" smirked Mrs Bateman-Fairhead.

"And who's this handsome man beside you?"

"Charlie", replied the confused but happy Mr Fairhead.

Cameras clicked. Through the fog in her mind Tess had a feeling that the authorities at Holby weren't going to be too happy about this.

Zoe certainly wasn't happy. She'd had to sit and see the bloody watchdogs winning themselves a luxury trip to sand, sea and… snooker. While she couldn't even manage to get up and do a slow waltz. Her stomach was already doing some nasty things as it was.

A slow waltz itself began to play.

"Come on darling, I'll be very gentle with you" Max coaxed.

"Nooo! I'm having the baby, Max!"

"Darling, don't joke like that-"

"Do my eyes usually bug out when I'm joking? Max I'm having the BABEEEEE…."

Boris bounded over ready to chastise the bad losers for their stupid joke. Then he saw Zoe's condition and felt somewhat queasy with apprehension.

"Anybody got a mobile?" he bawled.

In Holby General hospital, Zoe was smiling happily at the two bundles in her arms. Max was smiling now but first of all had been a little traumatised by watching the act of birth for the first time in his life. Then he kept saying 'twins, twins' like a Zombie.

Suddenly Zoe's smile faded and her lip quivered.

"Oh Max, we'll lose them. We'll lose our babies. They won't let a poisoner and a con-man keep their babies."

"Accidental poisoner" replied Max kindly. His arm went round Zoe, who was sobbing now. The nurse hurried over.

"Mr Walker, it's probably better if you leave now" she said, then bit her lip. Mr Walker couldn't leave. He had to wait until his and Zoe's new escort, Jacob Masters, could take him back to prison.

"Just try not to upset Mrs Hanna-Walker any further."

"He hasn't upset me" wailed Zoe, "I upset myself. I'll lose my babies!"

"Is this a bad time to visit?" Calvino, Rita and Connie entered the ward with a huge parcel.

"Zoe's upset because we'll not be allowed to… keep the baaabies!" Max suddenly dissolved into tears. The nurse discreetly passed him a tissue.

"But supposing somebody you know and trust adopted them and you were allowed to see them every week?" Connie asked gently.

"You and Calvino?" asked Zoe, feeling a small ray of hope.

"Me and Rita" Connie replied.

Zoe gaped.

"Oh come on Zoe, somebody as streetwise as you must have picked up on that!"

Zoe shook her head.

"Of course we shall make it clear to everybody else that it will be myself and the lovely Countess here who will adopt the babies" Calvino explained.

"Will _try_ to adopt the babies. We have to go through a lot of red tape first, Vino."

Calvino smiled to hide the constant hurt in his heart. He wished… but how could he wish poor little Rita didn't exist? No, he would have to live with this.

"We bought you a lovely big carrycot for twins" Rita indicated the parcel, "But if we're trying to adopt the babies, maybe we should keep it for now."

"Oh you shouldn't have" said Zoe, a little bitterly, until Connie produced a box of chocolates.

The nurse swooped down.

"Let's put these chocolates in your locker, Mrs Hanna-Walker. Teatime soon."

"Glad you call it tea. At least the Jeffs can cook" grizzled Zoe.

"Well, we must be getting back to the nick" Rita said somewhat tactlessly, and then:

"Oh! Robyn's knitting some bootees."

"Awww."

For now, Zoe's anxieties about her twins had calmed a little.

Calvino, Connie and Rita weren't the only people thinking of adoption.

(


	3. Chapter 3

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER THREE

Although Ethan Raceheart had referred to his daughter as 'our' Melanie, she was in fact his stepdaughter. Honey had been unlucky enough to have been dumped by her former boyfriend who had 'abandoned ship' as soon as Honey told him she was pregnant. Honey had thought nobody would want to date her once they knew she had a two-year-old, but Ethan Raceheart was the exception to the rule. He'd adored Melanie on sight and always turned up with a little toy for her. Melanie adored her new stepfather and all had been going so well until Ethan's mission. Sometimes it was hard for Honey to cope especially on days like today.

"Good morning, Honey, I didn't think you'd still shop here, considering…" Mrs Ova-Botoxed trilled the length of Sainsrose.

"Considering what?" asked Honey bluntly. Mrs Ova-Botoxed looked away and her friend Ms Cowpat shot Honey a filthy look.

"There's no need to get on your high horse, dear. And where's little Melanie today?"

"She's with my mum. Why? Did you think Ethan had sold her?" was the reply.

Glances between Mrs Ova-Botoxed and Ms Cowpat. Mrs Ova-Botoxed was silently chosen to deliver the blow.

"Honey dear, we don't want you and Melanie coming to the Mother and Toddler group any more in the circumstances…"

Honey was shocked.

"But Melanie loves going. She loves all the toys…"

"Well yes dear but we can't trust her not to slip one in her pocket, can we? I'm sure the little thing would only think she was borrowing one, but: 'Neither a lender nor a borrower be' – William Shakespeare."

Honey drew herself up to her full height.

" 'You big, floppy-breasted bitch' – Catherine Cookson."

She pivoted on her heel, stamped to the checkout and, having paid for her goods, went home only to have her heart broken by Melanie later that evening when Melanie's granny brought her back.

"Melly was telling me how excited she is about tomorrow, for the Mother and Toddler group."

Honey gave a strangled little sob of grief and hugged Melanie close.

Dylan, his arm round Ben as they sat on the sofa, asked as casually as he could:

"Do you ever think about adoption?"

"A baby? Dervla would eat the little thing."

"I'm serious" Dylan's voice was just a little petulant.

"I'd love to try for adoption later. But right now, with this thing I'm doing…"

"Well it would be all very well Ben, if it wasn't for the fact that you won't tell me where you go at nights. I know you're not cheating on me, I can read that soppy little face of yours too well. Is it some kind of evening job? Surely we're comfortably off now, with your compensation…"

Ben's face fell. He would always need help to get around outside, but then he was lucky to be walking at all after the attempt on his life all those months ago. Now he could just about manage crutches. Compensation couldn't make up for that although having Dylan's love and support had helped so much. That had been before that phone call…

"This is just something I have to do."

"Then why not take me with you? There's room for two in that taxi that comes for you, isn't there?"

How could Ben tell Dylan that the less he knew about Ben's 'project', the safer he'd remain?

And so another lie began.

"It's something I want to surprise you with. One day I'll be able to tell you. And when I can, we can go ahead with adoption plans."

"Well" Dylan joked, though he felt more like weeping, "Just don't be surprised if Dervla and I run off with a playboy while you're out."

Ben leaned over and kissed him.

"Don't start that, I want my bloody coffee, Chiltern. Let me climb over those skinny legs of yours and I'll make you some."

They both knew what would come after coffee.

Ben's heart ached. He wondered if he'd actually still be around to start adoption procedures in the next few months.

The Jeffs heard the news first and couldn't wait to tell Dixie and Robyn at breakfast.

"Extra bacon today, girls. Guess what?"

"Jeff Big Mac's pregnant again?"

"Ha bloody ha. They're only sending Ethan Raceheart here."

"An ex screw coming here? I don't think so!"

"It's true, Dixie. While I was in the garden trying to fall off my ladder so Dr Harrison would have to cure my leg, I heard Masters talking to Rita."

"Rita's got sh*t for brains, she might have got it wrong" said Dixie unflatteringly.

"Bet you two phonecards I'm right."

"Go on then" Dixie replied confidently.

Two days later Dixie was minus two phonecards and kicking herself. She'd rather have kicked Raceheart.

A lot of the inmates could have kicked Raceheart. The guy had been a decent screw, impartial but kind to those who needed help. Then he'd got greedy.

Ethan strutted along beside Jacob as if he hadn't a care in the world. Jacob looked at him sharply.

"Hard man, eh? Well this'll take the smile off your face. You can share with Max Walker. All he can talk about at the moment is how he wishes he and that Zoe could take their twins home and how Mrs Beauchamp and Calvino Calvini are going to try to adopt them. If I had to listen to him prattling on I'd top myself."

"I might top him first" sneered Ethan.

"You watch your mouth, sonny, or you'll be down the block in a room you're only used to using as a bog. Okay?"

Ethan swaggered into the cell, to where Max was sitting on his bunk looking at a couple of photos of what he presumed were the Zax twins.

"Ugly little bastards, aren't they?" he commented.

Max paled.

"Don't you call our children ugly, bent cop!"

Ethan got Max in a headlock.

"Say that again and I'll snap your neck."

"Bent cop, bent cop."

Ethan realised he'd have to follow up his threat or look like a wimp. Cursing the role he had to play, he pushed Max brutally against the wall. Max stood there nursing his ribs and Ethan began arranging his worldly goods.

"Um… that's my bed."

"Was, Walker, was. Ethan Raceheart's rule: I likes it, I takes it."

He splayed out on the top bunk, hands behind his head, looking smug as hell.

And hurting for his girls on the inside.

(


	4. Chapter 4

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER FOUR

(Contains an original character, Bel.)

Ethan's reign of terror continued. He stood in the queue for breakfast behind Zoe and Max and hissed:

"Who's got the ugliest babies in the world then?"

"Ignore him Max" Zoe advised although she would have gladly punched Raceheart. But the incentive of being able to see her twins weekly if they were adopted by Connie and Calvino made her bite her tongue.

Max hissed back at Ethan:

"Just be thankful I'm not a dirty b*gger or I'd spit in your breakfast."

"Try doing that with your mouth stuffed with quick drying cement" threatened Ethan.

He hated this; and couldn't wait for phase two of the plan, when he would finally be an active part of 'Operation Yellow Devil', instead of treading water at the prison.

Jeff Big Mac's hand shook as he served the porridge and a little slopped on to Ethan's tray.

"Clumsy moron!" Ethan snarled.

Jeff Big Mac decided to play it friendly.

"Sorry I'm edgy, man, it's just that I'm up to see Mrs Beauchamp today and I think it might be about my parole-"

"_No, it's about how you're walking round the place wearing a plateful of porridge."

Ethan overturned the contents of Jeff Big Mac's porridge bowl over the latter's head. As the porridge was still quite hot poor Jeff Big Mac howled in pain.

Jeff Collier leapt over the counter just like Tony sailing across the bar at the Copacabana, and punched Ethan hard, knocking him out.

Jacob threw Jeff Big Mac a towel.

"Have a quick wipe with that. I'm taking you to Dr Keogh."

"What about Raceheart?"

"Iain!"

Iain Dean appeared almost from nowhere and threw a jug of water over Ethan, who slowly came round wondering if promotion and career change was even worth it.

"Take him to my office, Iain, and write an inventory of anything he wrecks. Come on, Jeff Mac, let's get that face checked out."

"What about Collier?" asked Dixie.

"He ought to go on enhanced for hitting that rotten pig!" Robyn yelled.

But Jacob was already escorting poor Jeff Mac to the infirmary. Even with his face hurting, Jeff Mac hoped it would be Doctor Harrison who treated him.

"I'll nip along and tell Mrs B why Jeff's going to be late" Iain said.

Jeff Collier, for the time being, was left unpunished.

Jeff Big Mac was happier when he finally knocked on the door of Mrs Beauchamp's office. He had indeed been treated by pretty Jessica Harrison, and all he'd needed was his face and eyes carefully washing.

"Ah, Chalker. Come in. Sorry about the porridge incident. Didn't you get any breakfast?"

Jeff Big Mac shook his head dolefully.

"Don't worry, I'll get Rita to bring you a drink and a Nutrigrain bar. She's around here somewhere…oh Rita, there you are, I forgot you were cleaning under the table!"

"Drink and a Nutrigrain, Chalker?" beamed Rita. She suddenly whispered to him:

"I've got some really exciting news later, everybody'll be agog. Whatever a Gog is."

"That's enough Little Mary Sunshine for now, Rita. When you've brought Chalker's breakfast, go and start checking the stationery cupboard, I'll be along soon."

Rita skittered off as only Rita could skitter.

Mrs Beauchamp tapped a letter on her desk.

"Well, Chalker, you're up for parole at the end of the month. So you keep your nose clean and be a good boy and you'll be out of here soon."

Jeff Big Mac beamed, then realised what this would mean.

The Jeffs would be no more.

Jacob sat back in his seat, and looked up at Ethan:

"Raceheart, you're scum beyond belief. You're the dregs of society, you're…" Jacob lowered his voice "…A brilliant actor."

"I did make sure that porridge had cooled a bit before I threw it. But I was mean to Zax. Soppy old Zax, for goodness sake!"

"I know it's hard, Ethan. But if we can crack Operation Yellow Devil… look, this might convince you. You'd be helping people like _her_ …"

Jacob passed a file over:

"Pretty girl" commented Ethan.

Jacob concurred: " Up to now. The thing is, she's up to her neck in the sh*t at the moment. Her name's Bel - can you believe that's short for Belissima - and up to a year ago she was her Mum's little pampered darling. Then Mum and Dad split up and the cash starts to run low. Mum starts maxing the credit cards and ends up owing money to some rather vicious men. They cut her a deal - they get Bel to use as they like and Mummy's face isn't cut to ribbons. So Bel's now sleeping with some very unsavoury characters who are putting her through goodness knows what. Now when you join the organisation, as a big shot, Bel becomes your property, so to speak. You can save her from what she's being put through as soon as the word goes out that you - or rather Darrin King - owns her. And young Bel is just one of the people you can help. Zax will get over this, but if Bel carries on as she is...  
"What sort of mother would put her daughter through that just to save her own skin?" asked Ethan in total disgust.  
Jacob's smile was twisted, but he said:

"See? Once you become Darrin King, you can help people. Under cover of being an evil crime boss."  
"Okay" sighed Ethan, "I'm still in."

Just then Jeff Big Mac entered without knocking, wearing a tutu and hair ribbon.

"Whaaat?" Ethan and Jacob gaped.

"Mrs Beauchamp told me Iain was starting ballet classes at ten o' clock" replied the trusting Mr Chalker.

Jacob slapped his own thigh.

"Well, naughty Mrs Beauchamp!"

He glared at Ethan.

"You get out, scumbag!"

Ethan sniggered in Jacob's face, then swaggered out.

"So… there isn't a….?"

"…Ballet class? No Chalker, you've been had. Off to the garden. It's looking a mess since Ben Chiltern got his freedom."

(


	5. Chapter 5

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER FIVE

Rita, almost bubbling with excitement, stood in the courtyard between Y and Z wing where all the prisoners were assembled. Zoe was standing with Max's arms round her protectively and Ethan leered across at her evilly, just as Rita lifted her clipboard, read from it and announced:

"Wonderful news, ladies and gentlemen-"

Fortunately Mrs Bateman-Fairhead was still in the Caribbean with Charlie enjoying her prize, or she would have been muttering in rage that they were NOT ladies and gentlemen, they were prisoners. But Rita would always carry the sunshine in her heart.

"We are going to be taking part in a concert put on by the council, in Holby Park! Just like a rock festival! Okay, there'll be an armed response unit for anybody who's silly enough to mess about, but if everybody's good they won't get shot. And just guess who's going to be guest of honour at the concert?"

"Johnny Depp!" sighed Robyn.

"Jeremy Renner", drooled Dixie.

"NO, sillies! But Boris Horace Sleaze of Sleaze Night in Blackpool is coming along to be guest of honour. And he'll be announcing all the acts. Isn't that just like – wow!"

"No it's f*cking boring!"

"Oh, you, Ethan Raceheart! Now don't be a party-pooper because we want you in the concert!"

"You can sod off."

"It's not a request, it's an order" bawled Jacob, who always seemed to be shadowing Raceheart lately.

Rita twinkled at him and carried on:

"You and the Jeffs and Max are going to get together and sing 'I want to break free'! Won't that be fun?"

A sly grin spread over Raceheart's face. Then he glowered.

"Who the hell else is in it?"

Rita giggled.

"I'm singing a naughty song with Connie and Calvino is going to do a wonderful dance to it!"

"Will there be sick buckets?" Ethan sneered.

"DO stop being a tiresome baby. Iain is going to get the rest of you doing a lovely Zumba routine to Shaggy's 'In the Summertime' and the 'Bollybhangra Mix' music."

The Jeffs grinned. They had the Bollybhangra dance down to perfection.

"Do we get proper Bollywood costumes?"

"Yes, Robyn and Dixie are going to make them for everybody so they're excused all other work till after the concert."

"Lazy pair of cows."

"Ethan! What have we said about political correctness?"

Ethan was going to be rude directly to Rita, but instead, did a very rude version of the chorus bit from the Bollybhangra mix, shouting "Shake arse!" at the end of it. He decided his gut couldn't take another of Jacob's punches, even though Jacob apologised to him in private for every punch. He did, however, request a chat with Connie.

"Ethan, it's very dangerous."

"I think it could be done if I take care. I've not had any – um – intimate moments with Honey for ages and I'd really benefit from them."

Connie thought of her lovely morning session with Rita in the Jacuzzi and her heart softened.

"After the concert, then, but for goodness sake keep your head down and face hidden. After what we have to put you through on Friday week you deserve a treat."

"Oh I will, Mrs B. You're a star."

Connie nodded briefly and suddenly gave him a long look. Ethan knew what this meant and raised his voice accordingly:

"You bloody perverted bitch, telling me what to do!"

Connie grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him out of her office, shouting:

"Scummy bent cop!" as he went sprawling.

She nearly choked with laughter as he mouthed "I love you, Mrs B" at her from the floor, then went into a foul-mouthed diatribe against her just as Iain came running up to help Connie.

"I can't give out tablets for broken hearts, Jeff."

Jeff Collier's eyes were full of sorrow.

"Okay Doctor Harrison, but life's going to be hell after they release Jeff Big Mac at the end of the month."

"Couldn't you try gently weaning yourself away from Chalker gradually? It would help."

Jeff sighed.

"Okay…. I'll do that."

Little did Jeff know that his world was going to be disrupted even sooner. Jacob came over to him as he came out of the Infirmary.

"Collier, we're going to try something to help you get used to life without Chalker. You're moving this afternoon and sharing with Ethan Raceheart from now on."

Jeff's heart filled with terror. Ethan Raceheart!

Then a plan slid into his mind. He'd make himself safe from Raceheart and show that bloody Chalker at the same time.

Ethan came strutting into his cell and did a double take. Jeff bloody Collier was on the bunk he, Ethan, had used to put his underwear out on. And what was worse, Jeff Collier was wearing a wavy blond wig and wearing spectacles.

"JEFF COLLIER!" he bawled.

"I'm not a Jeff any more. I want to be like you. I'm an Ethan now!"

Fifteen minutes later poor Jeff C, no longer an Ethan, lay in the Infirmary under Dr Keogh's watchful eye. Even with the soothing cream that Dr Keogh, completely unfazed, rubbed in, Jeff would never forget the painful memory of Ethan trying to shove the wig where the sun didn't shine. Dr Keogh had told him he thought a night lying on his side in the Infirmary would help him. Jeff was terrified to go back to the cell now. He needn't have worried.

"I've insulted Zoe, I've cheeked every authority in this place, defied a judge, and now poor Jeff Collier."

"Come next Friday it won't matter any more. Are you nervous?"

"Very. But if it gets me into the Gold Mine as boss, I can save young Bel and hopefully make life better for some of the other girls in there."

Ethan hoped so and looked forward to the secret meeting with Honey that Mrs Beauchamp had promised in two weeks.

(


	6. Chapter 6

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER SIX

Disclaimer: This is meant to be a parody and nothing like actual prison life in the UK. Or, come to think of it, anywhere else on the planet.

Things went reasonably smoothly at Holby Prison for the next week and a half. Charlie and Tess came back from their luxury honeymoon with suntans and presents for the rest of the staff. Iain wondered when he was going to get to wear his bright pink Speedos. Certainly not at the local gym with the lads on Sunday afternoons. Rita wore her giant sunhat everywhere until Connie had to tell her firmly but kindly that it wasn't suitable for making announcements to the prisoners. She told Rita that she could wear her hat and she, Connie, would wear her slinky jade green sarong with big vulgar flowers all over it, when they had one of their meetings in a Travelodge. Robyn and Dixie sewed costumes for the Zumba routines till their fingers ached. The Jeffs practised their Bollybhangra fusion routine and sang the 'chorus' together to remember their steps:

'Skip, skip, skip, skip,

Skip, skip, skip, skip,

Skip skip skip skip, wiggle wiggle.

Skip skip skip skip

Skip skip skip skip

Skip skip skip skip,

SHAKE ARSE!"

As soon as Zumba practise was over, however, Jeff Big Mac would go to his new cell and Jeff would go back to the terrors of sharing with Ethan. Since his attack on Jeff Collier, Ethan did seem to have calmed down a little. But nobody knew what went on in that dark mind of his…

At last the big day arrived. The prisoners were lined up, searched and double searched before the van arrived to take them to Holby Park. Ethan, leering wickedly, made to sit next to Zoe. Max came over.

"That seat's reserved for my wife."

Ethan's fist was in his face and Iain and Jacob had to intervene and escort the two men to their allocated seats.

"I'll come and get you tonight" Ethan leered to Zoe.

"You do, you die" snapped Max. He was to realise much later what a bad choice of words that had been.

The Jeffs and Robyn looked nervously at the Armed Response Team, but Mrs Beauchamp assured them that only in extreme circumstances would they fire. As it was, the Armed Response Team looked pretty harmless, the way they were cheerfully playing on the Tombola stall and eating ice creams.

Boris Horace Sleaze arrived, and was smug to see the Armed Response Team, having decided they'd come to protect him.

He demanded a dish of brown – only brown – M & M's and champagne. The council spokesperson had to inform him that M & M's fit into the council budget, champagne did not. Boris looked ungratefully at his Red Bull.

Everybody was thrilled by their costumes, the mock-Glam Rock ones for the 'I Want to Break Free' number and the Bollywood ones for the Zumba group.

Finally it was time to go on stage.

Connie and Rita, in matching 40's style dresses and hairstyles, came on followed by Calvino, and they performed their song and Calvino's dance. The words had been subtly change to bring them more up to date, so instead of 'The band plays the polka while she strips' the ladies sang 'The band plays hot music while he strips.' Calvino, unfamiliar with fandom in general, was quite worried afterwards until Connie and Rita explained to him that the ladies in the audience weren't screaming because they were scared, it was a sign they thought the performer was wonderful.

The Holby Prisoners Zumba troupe performed to perfection. Jeff and Jeff displayed every little skip and wiggle with finesse and the audience loved the Bollywood costumes.

It was when Endora Battersby, of Holby Operatic Society, was due to come on stage and sing a jolly selection from The Merry Widow that the trouble began.

As Boris oozed on stage to introduce her, Ethan ran on and grabbed him round the neck, holding a knife to Boris's flabby throat.

"I want out of this b*st*rd city. If the Armed response unit fires, I'll slit his throat and take him with me anyway. He's my hostage till I'm out of those gates."

The Armed Response unit reluctantly put down their ice creams and awaited their instructions.

Boris Horace Sleaze, king of the ballroom, and darling of the pensioner set, wet himself in front of hundreds of gaping Holbyites.

Ethan dragged him to the gates, then, harking back to his childhood when he loved to climb trees, gave Boris a push that sent him sprawling. Then he shinned up and over the gate. The Armed Response followed. Shots were heard. Jacob climbed over the gate to investigate.

After a few moments the unit filed back with Jacob who announced:

"We very much regret that Ethan Raceheart has been shot dead by armed response. The concert is therefore over. Prisoners, wait for further instructions. Members of the public, please file out quietly. You will receive a full refund and one of Rita's pies each as compensation."

Despite the trauma, Rita's main worry that she hadn't made enough pies.

The audience, shocked and subdued, filed out as instructed.

Once the last member of the public had left, and Boris had been taken to the first aid tent for a sedative and clean pants, the prisoners stood in line. All except one figure who made his way towards Mrs Beauchamp with a less impressive knife than Ethan's. He waved the knife in the general direction of Connie's chest. It was extremely generous of Connie to respond as she did – she shouted "Don't hurt him!" to the response unit, who had hoped they could settle down and finish their ice creams, although there was a fat chance of that when they'd all been trampled in the grass. The ice creams, that is, not the response unit.

"If you don't give me one hundred thousand pounds in cash I'm going to drive this knife into Mrs Beauchamp's heart" shouted McKenzie Chalker, aka Jeff Big Mac.

Rita fainted. Iain carried her to the first aid tent, hoping Boris had his pants back on by now.

"My heart's on the other side, Jeff Big Mac" Connie said, almost compassionately.

Chalker dropped the knife and began to cry.

"I'm sorry Mrs Beauchamp. I am. I just can't live without Jeff Collier so I wanted to stay in jail to be with him. I'd never have hurt you."

"Love you, Jeff Big Mac" shouted Collier.

"Love you, Collywobbles."

Jacob escorted Jeff Big Mac away to the prison van with unusual gentleness.

"Well" said Max reflectively on the way back to the prison, "I can't say I'm sorry about Raceheart, the little weasel."

Zoe, overcome with misery and exhaustion at the end of such a night, turned her back on him.

"Ah, you'll want my bits later, you minx" gloated Max, which very unfairly earned him a slap.

He wondered why women were so hard to understand.

Meanwhile, in a dark flat somewhere on the outskirts of Holby, Ethan Raceheart, very much alive, sat reading his instructions for the next part of Operation Yellow Devil.

Jacob, and Connie sat together in the bar at the Holby Travelodge, where Connie had said she and Rita needed to stay that night, because of the trauma. Rita had been despatched upstairs with instructions to make herself gorgeous and to chill the wine.

"So", said Jacob, lifting up his glass of beer in a toast, "RIP Ethan Raceheart, and long live Darrin King."

"Let's hope so" replied Connie fervently.

(


	7. Chapter 7

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER SEVEN

Honey was enjoying a nice cup of herbal tea when she saw a genuinely upset Ms Nightshade approaching her door. She went to open it.

"Honey darling, can I come in?" she asked.

Honey felt a strange relief at Ms Nightshade's visit. She was the only neighbour worth bothering with, despite her scattiness and her love of wearing a long black dress in the middle of the morning, summer and winter alike.

"Oh Honey, I've come because I thought you'd need a bit of comfort. Poor Ethan, what a horrible way to go. I hope he didn't suffer too much. You can't trust the police, you know. My friend Martin, he's a union activist and he says we should all go on strike as a protest. I would but I'm self-employed so there's no point, is there?"

"He did try to kidnap Boris Horace Sleaze at knife point."

"Boris Horace Sleaze, blah! He's a lowlife anyway. Anybody can see that your poor Ethan didn't need shooting, he needed therapy. Trigger happy, the lot of them."

By now Honey had steered Ms Nightshade into the front room, given her a cup of herbal tea, and shut the door.

She also closed the blinds.

"Thank you my dear. I'm glad you're not wearing sad colours."

Honey realised that maybe she should have worn something black instead of the bright pink jogging suit.

"Ethan wouldn't want me to" she replied quickly.

Just then poor Nightshade unleashed a torrent of grief.

"He was so young! And I know he'd been a very bad boy but I think he was a little lost inside, and… and we need to DO something, Honey… let's go to the Town Hall right now, and we'll take all our clothes off and sit outside it and…"

Honey put her hand very gently over Ms Nightshade's mouth. She didn't know why but she felt she could trust this woman.

"Ms Nightshade, please listen to me. I want you to know the truth because you care about us. Ethan's not dead."

She released Ms Nightshade's mouth but Ms Nightshade still didn't get it.

"Well not in your heart, darling, but…"

"Ethan was working undercover for the police. His shooting was a fake."

"Oh MY! Oh the brave boy. Oh that's wonderful. But where is he?"

"Even I'm not allowed to know that. But please don't tell anybody. If you do, he could be killed for real."

"Honey Raceheart, I'll have you know that when I was six years old I let Penny Puttock give me Chinese burns and never said one word because she threatened to kill Reuben if I did."

"Reuben?"

"My tortoise."

"Is he still around?"

Honey thought a bit of leverage could be good, not that she could kill a very old tortoise even if Ms Nightshade blabbed.

"No dear, he was very old. But I have a ginger cat."

Honey decided to leave well alone and just trust Ms Nightshade. She could never kill a cat after all.

Just then there was a genteel tap on the door.

THEM, thought Honey and Ms Nightshade in disgust.

Sure enough, when Honey went to the door, there were Mrs Ova-Botoxed and Miss Swishey-Pantz standing there looking pious but at the same time with their greedy eyes out for any specks of dust to blab about later.

"So brave, wearing pink! May we come in, darling?"

Honey just pointed towards the front room. They entered and their lips curled in disgust.

"Oh… Ms Nightshade."

"Don't worry, I haven't brought the rest of my coven with me. What do you want, Honey's very upset."

Honey faked a sob.

"We feel we've been rather hasty so we want to welcome you and little Melanie back to the Mother and Toddler group next week."

With exaggerated politeness, Honey replied:

"Sorry, I have to decline. I'm taking Melanie to the opium den next week."

"And I'm going to teach her how to cheat at cards. She'll soon pick it up – after all the apple doesn't fall far from the f*cking tree, does it?"

The two snobs looked in revulsion at Ms Nightshade, and saw themselves out. Honey banged the door after them.

"Deranged with grief, poor creature and relying on that pariah Nightshade for comfort", they told each other as they sashayed down the path.

Meanwhile, Honey and Ms Nightshade clung to one another laughing helplessly. Then Honey's laughter gave way to genuine tears. She needed Ethan with her, not risking his neck somewhere out there.

Several hours later, Honey tossed and turned in her lonely bed. Then she heard the doorbell ringing. Cursing, she put on her dressing gown and slippers and hurried downstairs. She looked through the spyhole in the door.

A man wearing a dark suit, a black Fedora and what seemed to be a mask, stood there.

Trying not to whoop with joy, Honey knew she could recognise the way Ethan stood anywhere.

As softly as possible, she opened the door. He glided in silently past her, she followed after locking up.

The next thing they were both in each other's arms on the carpet, making love.

The blinds were drawn, the door was locked and bolted again.

But like the song, they knew they had 'One night only.'

The following evening, two thugs were sitting in the bar of the sleazy Goldmine nightclub in London.

"So", Elvis asked, "When's he due, then?"

"Tomorrow" replied Snakebite, who, although the younger of the two, was the most dangerous. Elvis, alias Patrick Spiller, was merely a thief and con-merchant. He'd made a decent amount of money with his Elvis impersonations, and then had turned to theft when the cash ran low. Snakebite, alias Louis Fairhead, son of none other than Holby Prison's Charlie, had been thrown out by his father after various crimes, and now lived for violence. Take the call girls, for example. Snakebite loathed the Yellow Devil's policy of not slapping them around. Don't damage the goods, Devil had said. But pride goes before a fall and one day Devil would be in the river with a hole in his gut and he, Snakebite, would take over. Unless this new guy, Darrin King, wormed his way into the boss's affections and became the Devil's number one man.

King was due to call in the next night so Devil could have a private talk to him in the back.

Suddenly a tired-looking young woman came up the stairs. This was Belissima, known as Bel, whose mother had sold her to the gang to save her own miserable skin.

"I'm tired. It's hot down there and I've been dancing forever. Can I have a rest?"

Snakebite slapped her across the mouth. Devil wasn't there to see it, the bitch would be too scared to tell and the bruise would soon heal.

"MAY I have a rest, you stupid slag. Didn't Mummy's money get you any proper English lessons? No you may not have a rest. You get back down and dance, bitch."

Bel, looking totally defeated, crept back downstairs.

Elvis laughed sycophantically.

"Aww, she's all shook up."

Snakebite laughed drily and then spat.

(


	8. Chapter 8

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER EIGHT

The staff of the infamous Gold Mine club in Soho were standing in line, almost like a parody of the staff in Downton Abbey, to meet the new boss, Darrin King. They didn't expect a slim, quiet-looking man with a mask covering half his face, and a wide-brimmed black hat. Corny, thought Snakebite, and it's the drama queens who always break first. The others, however, were convinced. Darrin wasn't a powerhouse, but they could see from the set of his lips that he wasn't to be crossed.

"So", sneered King, "This dump is mine all mine."

Inside, Ethan was terrified. But in his head he repeated the mantra of 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

"Yours for as long as Devil says so."

"Well, he does say so, so shut your pie hole. Who the f*ck are you anyway?"

"I'm called Snakebite because if I turn nasty I could kill you."

"Right now you can shut the hell up. You-" King turned his attention to Elvis, "Who are you?"

"Elvis, man!"

"What's your real name, MAN?"

King got Elvis's arm up his back to reinforce his question.

"Patrick Spiller."

"There, that didn't hurt, did it?"

His eyes fell on a terrified looking young man.

"What about you?"

"De S-S-Silva."

"And why are you obviously sh*tting yourself?"

Snakebite interrupted again:

"He's Toby De Silva. Got a little greedy with a robbery he did and let the cops catch him on camera."

"Too bad. He'll have to go."

De Silva began to cry but didn't dare start pleading.

Then King's finger came an inch from his face.

"This is a nightclub, right, and there's a floorshow?"

"Uh huh huh."

The look King gave Elvis made him very uneasy, and he clammed up at once.

"Right, kid, sorry about this" King continued. De Silva went green.

"You're going to become Sylvia. You'll be in drag for the rest of your life even when you go out of this club. Get it? You're ever seen anywhere but your own front room in anything but drag again and you're dead, get it?"

De Silva nodded, unable to believe he wasn't going to die.

"So get downstairs to the girls, and ask them to kit you out. Padded boobs, the lot. Okay? Any of them argue about it and I'll be down to them."

A very relieved De Silva ran downstairs.

"We could have-" Snakebite made a throat slitting motion.

"Why waste anything you can reuse? That little fox will bring all the perverts in for miles."

"Hey you're good!" Sobersides the doorman commented.

"He might not be so good if Yellow doesn't like him" Snakebite once again interrupted.

"Get here!" King barked at Snakebite.

Snakebite came over as slowly as possible.

"Arm wrestling contest. Now."

The contest ended with Snakebite, rubbing his arm, retreating angrily into the corner. For once he decided to try the soft approach.

"Yeah, you're the boss all right. That reminds me, we've got a present for you."

Ethan/Darrin wondered if the present was a knife in his gut. But Snakebite continued:

"Wait there boss."

He retired into the back room. A slap and a scream was heard, and he came out, dragging Belissima who had an ugly bruise on her cheek. She was wearing a sleazy black dress and high heels and seemed to resent both.

"Did you just hit that girl?" snapped Darrin King.

"She was getting mouthy-"

Darrin pointed his finger in Snakebite's face.

"A lesson. Do NOT damage the goods. You, girl, what's your name?"

Again Snakebite replied.

"She's Bel, short for Belissima. She's for you."

"Well I like my presents unmarked. Right, you, Belissima. Go outside and wait for me in the car. You'll know which it is because the chauffeur's sitting in the driving seat, and it's a f*cking big one."

"P-please could I just have a pee first?"

Darrin motioned towards the ladies' toilet.

"Enjoy. Then outside, okay."

Belissima fled.

"Let me make this clear" Darrin informed them all, "Nobody slaps any woman here around without my saying so. That includes Sylvia, okay? He's a woman now. Anybody forgetting that little rule can start looking for a new pair of balls. Now I'm off. Things to do, people to see. I'll be back when the f*ck I feel like it."

With that, the new boss of the Goldmine was out of the door.

"Have I missed him?"

Sylvia De Silva came clattering up the stairs in his blonde wig, pink frock and new high heels. He could not wear them like Mrs Beauchamp, and almost fell. There was ragged applause, then Snakebite mouthed "Shut it" and took out his smartphone which was playing the theme tune to Jaws.

"Yeah. Right… got it."

He turned to the others with a smirk.

"The Yellow Devil's coming in on Saturday night and wants to meet King."

Meanwhile, back in Holby Jail, there had been a little unrest since Ethan's supposed shooting, but no signs of rioting. The truth was the inmates were nervous now they knew what the prison security staff were capable of.

Mrs Beauchamp had allowed Jeff Big Mac to share a cell with Jeff Collier again although she did warn him that he was only at Holby again pending trial and could end up anywhere.

As for Mrs Beauchamp, she and Calvino were eagerly awaiting further updates regarding their request to adopt the Hanna-Walker twins, who were now in care. Everything looked positive, and Max and Zoe stayed hopeful. But Max was becoming tense since the Ethan incident and needed some release for that tension.

The release came when another work scheme saw Max and the Jeffs sent to tidy up the litter in Holby Park.

Since the Ethan incident, security checked the lads carefully for weapons of any kind. They didn't see a book of old raffle tickets as a weapon.

As they waited for the park keeper to come and meet them by the gates, Max waved his raffle ticket book.

"Roll up, ladeees and gentlemen for a trip around the Haunted Park! Only two weeks ago Ethan Raceheart died in a hail of gunfire at these very gates! See the fatal stage where he sang the heartbreaking version of "I want to break free". Well he did break free and his short life was over! See the mini zoo with the baby animals which Ethan Raceheart planned to visit when he was released. His restless soul now looks down in grief on those baby animals that he'll never cuddle! A pound a ticket, ladies and gentlemen! Just a pound for all the wonders of the Haunted Park! It's said that at night Ethan's voice, crying on the wind for his wife, can be heard."

Max imitated a suffering undead voice:

"Honey! Honeeeeeeee!"

"How much is it please?"

A group of sobbing teenage girls were queueing for their tickets.

"Just a pound, young ladies, just a pound! Big Mac, give the ladies their…. Oh bugger. Park keeper's coming."

"Tour of haunted park cancelled due to frightening ghost activity!" Jeff Big Mac said loudly.

But it was too late. The park keeper was glaring at them.

"Busted" sighed Jeff Collier.

(


	9. Chapter 9

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER NINE

"You haven't learned a thing, have you, Walker? Making a fellow prisoner's death into a- a theme park! It's just so cold-blooded. And look what you've started. Here are two entries on Twitter, the first is from 'Amanda'.

'Love the new Holby Park dark trip! Everything was so sad. Poor Ethan Raceheart, I could almost feel his ghostly presence.'

This next one is from Facebook, and this message is from 'Chloe':

'Cried my eyes out after going to Haunted Holby Park today. I kept seeing Ethan Raceheart everywhere. The flower beds he'll never walk through again. Those baby animals he'll never cuddle. And the thing that got to me most; the litter bins. So symbolic of Ethan being 'thrown away' by the evil police.'

Mrs Beauchamp glared at Max, who broke down:

"I'm sorry, look! It-it's just when you're the father of twins but not allowed to see them or hold them….it does things to a man's mind."

Mrs Beauchamp's expression softened.

"Calvino and I are doing all we can, Walker. But this is something that even Calvino's money can't buy. We have to go through the right channels."

Max had the grace to hang his head.

"Now because of your circumstances, you'll not be punished. But pull a stroke like that again…."

"I won't, Mrs Beauchamp."

"Can I just ask if that black eye is Zoe's reaction to your latest stunt?"

Max looked ashamed.

Mrs Beauchamp thought how sad it was that Zoe wasn't working for the police.

"Off you go then Walker. Send Chalker in."

Jeff Big Mac replaced Max in the chair. He seemed to have some kind of a pain in his chest, Mrs Beauchamp noticed as he kept holding his ribs.

"Sit down, Chalker. What have you to say for yourself?"

"QUACK!"

The sound came from Chalker's jacket, not from his mouth.

"Chalker, please don't tell me you've stolen a duckling from Holby Park."

Emily Duckling was looked over by a vet and then sent back to her rightful place in Holby Park. The Jeffs were reduced to a basic cell but were allowed to stay together, which saved Max from a punching from both of them.

"She wouldn't let us keep Emily! We were going to nick a plastic bowl for her to swim on top of. Or she could have gone in the garden."

Jeff Big Mac's face was heavy with despair.

"That cat that keeps sneaking through the fence could have eaten her. And a washing up bowl wouldn't have been enough for her when she got bigger."

"Hey, why don't we adopt the cat instead?"

"It bites. It scratches. There's a reason that moggy's called Psycho."

Meanwhile, Belissima couldn't believe her luck. Darrin King was a man full of surprises despite the mask on his face. He'd put her right about that from the start.

"You do not want to see under this, girl. Jealous ex-girlfriend. Threw acid. It took years of surgery and speech therapy to get to this stage. Now get yourself into the kitchen, it's breakfast time and I'm hungry."

"I-I can't cook."

"Oh we'll have to do something about that, won't we?" King had said. Bel had backed away with her hands over her face.

"Not that, you silly cow. All that's over. Get in the kitchen. Pick an apron. Any apron. You're getting cooking lessons from the best, girl."

Later, he'd sat at the breakfast bar to eat but sent her into the front room to have her breakfast. Poor man, he must be so sensitive about his face, she'd thought. She hoped he didn't fall foul of the Yellow Devil on Saturday. If King was hard to understand, the Devil was worse.

On Saturday night, the girls lined up for King to inspect before Yellow Devil's entrance. A curvaceous redhead sashayed over to Darrin, stroked his chest and purred:

"I'm Roxy. I do foreplay. You like?"

"I don't. You keep that for the customers, girl. Go and sit down at the back, right?"

Roxy was miffed but didn't dare to pull a face. She went and found a seat.

The next girl, her head bowed, walked forward.

"Look up for me, sweetie."

As the girl raised her eyes, Ethan/Darrin had a major shock.

Lily Chao.

"What's your name?" he demanded.

"Jasmine. I…."

As usual, Snakebite had to cut in:

"Silly bitch got mixed up with loan sharks, didn't you, Jaz? So now she's working here for free to save her skin. She sleeps downstairs in the day."

"Not any more, she doesn't."

Lily felt sick. Ethan Raceheart had a lot to hate her for. If he didn't have her killed he'd see her out on the street.

"I'll set you up in a flat instead of a wage. You can have some cash to get some food bought in. But you'll be working hard."

"She'll be on her back night and day to pay off that little lot" Snakebite said crudely.

"Shut it. You, girl, can you use a computer?"

Lily nodded.

"You're my secretary from now on then. Get your butt into the back room and ask Sobersides to get you logged up to a computer. Okay?"

"W-what about sex?" asked 'Jasmine', a tremor in her voice.

"Look, bitch, how you spend your free time's up to you, okay?"

Lily, overcome with gratitude and remorse for her past behaviour, began to cry.

"OI! NO snivelling on the computer keys. Go and wash your face then go see Sobersides. Got food for tonight?"

She shook her head.

"OOokay."

Darrin took out his mobile.

"Eat Indian, do you?"

She nodded.

Darrin ordered her a Vegetable Korma and Naan bread.

"You can sleep downstairs tonight, and use as much tea and coffee as you want. Indian Order's coming at ten. In the meantime, get round to Sobersides."

Lily hurried off.

"Next!" bawled Darrin cheerfully.

Sylvia came over to him.

"I'm Sylvia. I'm full of surprises."

"Well, whoopee-doo. Go and sit with the others then."

A clock struck eight somewhere in the distance. The sound of footsteps – footsteps that needed the aid of crutches were heard.

Slowly the footsteps descended.

And Ethan Raceheart felt his life flash before his eyes once more.

"Hi Yellow"

Snakebite's tone actually held fear.

The newcomer merely nodded at him then turned his attention to Raceheart.

Who found himself looking into the wide blue/grey eyes of Ben Chiltern.

For what seemed the longest thirty seconds in history, Chiltern, fast on his feet despite his crutches, circled Ethan.

"Darrin King?"

Darrin/Ethan nodded. Hoping whatever was meted out to him wouldn't hurt too much.

"You'll do" said the Yellow Devil, then, to the others:

"Anything he says goes, right? For now. See you all next week."

"Aren't you going to inspect-" Elvis began. The blue-grey eyes flashed angrily.

"Don't you get it, moron? He's in charge now. So shut it and do what he says."

Manipulating his crutches and walking back to the waiting taxi, Chiltern was gone.

(


	10. Chapter 10

UNDERCOVER

CHAPTER TEN

After their failed effort to get rich from the 'haunted park' scheme, Max and the Jeffs behaved themselves for a while. Mrs Beauchamp, however, was feeling a bit sorry for the Jeffs after the duckling incident. As she'd said to Rita in bed, "They just want something to cuddle and love."

"Mmmm… how about Psycho?"

"WHO?"

"Psycho… that bad tempered old ginger cat that creeps into the garden."

"Rita, nobody could love Psycho. He makes it his life's ambition to murder all the mice and birds that get anywhere near the garden."

"I wonder if we ought to have the vet to him?"

"Money down the…. What, you think there might be something wrong with him?"

"Most tomcats get more gentle after they've had the snip."

"You know what, you little blonde dork, you might just be on to something!"

The bedsprings creaked gleefully. Ever creak and bounce was like a knife in the heart of poor Calvino, who was trying in vain to sleep next door. He ached for Constance Beauchamp. To be honest he ached for the love of a good woman. He was more than happy to keep up this deception, if only….

The next day an exhausted Calvino slept late, and at Holby Jail, vet Lara Stone arrived.

Blonde, glacial, beautiful, she soon became a rival for Jessica Harrison in the Jeffs' eyes.

Every other visitor to Holby who had tried to put Psycho in a cat basket had carried the scars for weeks. Lara just sat on the ground opposite the hissing, spitting cat and talked in a low, soft voice.

Twenty minutes later, Lara was ready to leave with Psycho and the Jeffs' hearts, in the cat basket.

She nearly ran over a tall fair-haired man who was striding up the drive.

Getting out of the car to apologise, she was amazed to see him bow to her with no attempt at being ironic.

"I am so sorry I nearly walked under your wheels. I hope you've been made comfortable here today. I am Calvino Calvini, joint owner of Holby Prison."

"Lara Stone, vet. I'm taking Psycho to have the Abelard treatment."

Calvino knew his French history and laughed.

"Now there is a coincidence! Young Robyn Miller has just received top marks in English class for her limerick about a famous person in history. Her poem was a little rude, but shall I tell it?"

Lara smiled, which illuminated her whole face.

He continued:

"Peter Abelard was so obtuse

That his pupil he went to seduce.

Then her Uncle, a priest, behaved like a beast.

Now poor Abelard can't reproduce."

Lara laughed, a low warm sound rather than a giggle.

"Yes, Psycho will be an Abelard when he comes back to Holby. I'll be bringing him back on Friday."

"I think I may be visiting the prison then."

Over in The Goldmine, something was wrong with Jasmine, aka Lily.

'Darrin' went into the back room to find her collapsed over the computer.

Mindful of his image he bawled:

"If you've damaged that computer, girl, you'll not eat for a month until it's repaired."

But Lily was unconscious.

A quick phone call was made by Snakebite to Devil – Darrin had not yet been allowed his new boss's number – and the green light was given for Darrin to take her to hospital.

"I can't come inside with you" he told her, pointing to his mask and hat, "But I'll hand you to a doctor or porter. They're usually kind."

And indeed a porter had taken Lily to reception, having actually believed Darrin's story of his paranoia about his face.

Despite his anxiety, Ethan didn't allow his alter-ego to make any calls to the hospital for two days.

When he finally called he received a shock.

'Jasmine Liu' had amnesia.

Ethan decided it was time to risk Yellow Devil's anger and make some enquiries. People didn't just collapse across computers. One of the club members had whacked Jasmine and he wanted to find out, or rather, prove, who had done it.

The gang, however, were as thick as the thieves they were, and nobody was telling.

Ethan decided all he could do was squander a few more legal funds and make sure Jasmine had everything she needed in her flat when she was released from hospital. He reckoned Lily had been more than paid back for the dirty trick she had done on him.

The next time, however, that he rang the hospital he received a second shock.

"Jasmine Liu? She's gone."

"She died?"

"No, she's just gone. Discharged herself and left."

Oh, bugger, thought Ethan.

"Ben?"

"Yeah?" Ben had just come out of the shower, and was in a black fluffy dressing gown, looking, at least to Dylan, gorgeous.

"Thought any more about babies? I keep seeing them and thinking…"

"Not now, Dylan. I told you before, this job…"

"Yeah, your job that nobody knows about. You told me."

Ben sighed.

"Look, I'd rather stay with you, you know that. Or you should. But this job pays. Soon I'll have a decent sum together and then…"

"You've already got a decent sum from your compensation!"

"Well YOU haven't gone short out of that, have you?"

Ben could have bitten out his tongue, but it was too late, he'd said it.

Dylan was walking to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To pack. My houseboat might not be very warm at the moment but God knows it's warmer than your heart right now. I've had enough, Ben."

"Dylan, please…"

"Save it, Ben. You've changed and not for the better. Dervla!"

The dog came running up, tail wagging in excitement. Normally she never knew who to run to first, her own human or the kind curly-haired one. But only her human seemed to want her tonight. Tail drooping a little, she went over to Dylan, who put on her lead and then his coat.

"If you change your mind and stop this stupid money-grabbing, you know where to find me."

With that he was gone, Dervla trotting miserably behind him.

Ben was dry-eyed. He knew Dylan was right. But he was in too deep now to walk away. Oh, what the hell, better Dylan hated him and was safe, than in danger.

For the next couple of hours, he stared into space, not focusing on anything but his plans for the job.

(


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

A/N Introducing an original character, Spike Willets.

"I made breakfast" Bel said.

"Let's have a look."

Ethan followed her into the breakfast bar. He took a look at the food she'd prepared; cereal, scrambled egg on toast, percolated coffee. All looking excellent.

"Nice one, girl. Did you make yourself something?"

"Yeah, is that all right?"

"I've told you to help yourself to the food. You go in there and scoff yours; I don't like to eat in front of people with this mask."

"I bet I could take that mask off you and not be scared."

"Yeah and I bet you'd like it working in the Goldmine again because that's what'll happen if you try a trick like that, girl."

She looked afraid.

"I'm sorry, Darrin. Are you going out today?"

He gave her another sharp look.

"That's for me to know and you not to find out, isn't it? Look. You've been good lately, keeping house for me."

He took out a wallet and handed her a wad of notes.

"Get a taxi. Go up the West End and buy yourself something good. Go see a musical if you want, long as you're back around seven to cook my dinner."

"I wish you could come to a show, Darrin."

"They'd think I'd escaped from one! Now go and get your grub, girl, then get cleaned up and off out."

She threw her arms round his neck.

"Thank you!"

He had to remember that just lately the only thing she'd been given was a slap or a punch. He had to cut her some slack. All the same…

"Don't start that soppy stuff, Bel. Off into the kitchen and eat, girl."

She gave him a weak grin and went for her breakfast.

Hell, thought Ethan, I never thought I'd end up fancying her. Not that I'd ever cheat on Honey but… I'll be glad when all this is over. One way or another, he added. It was his mantra to pull him back to reality whenever he got too confident. He could be dead tomorrow.

Connie, Calvino and Rita walked from the court in happy disbelief. They'd won. Rita, who had been there in the role of Connie's personal assistant, was almost bubbling over with joy.

"Our twins, Connie! Us, with twins!"

"Excuse me" Calvino replied, in a sharper tone than they'd ever heard him use, "They are a little bit mine as well."

"Well of course! You'll be the one on the paper, Vino, you'll be the one in all the public photos of the family. I'll not try to spoil that for you."

Calvino smiled at Rita.

"You must forgive me for my outburst; it's just that I have come to care for these little ones myself."

"We mustn't forget they're really Max's and Zoe's anyway." Connie was the voice of reason. Then she laughed.

"We all sound so grim and it's such a happy occasion! I'll look forward to telling Max and Zoe this afternoon. But before then, I think we deserve a nice posh lunch."

"Choose your venue, ladies, I shall foot the bill!"

"Not this time, Vino. I want to pay for this celebration lunch. You've been more than generous but it's important to my pride that I pay my way now and then."

"Then, I have it! You shall pay for the food. I shall pay for the champagne with which we shall wet the babies' bottoms!"

Rita went into uncontrollable giggles at this.

"Heads, Vino. We wet babies' heads."

Calvino gave one of his charming little bows. Connie, however, was in a reflective mood. She needed to know if Calvino felt he was being pushed out. It was thanks to his generosity that they could afford expensive meals and champagne in the first place.

But Calvino was already striding ahead, smiling back at them, and humming a bit of Tosca, as if he hadn't a care in the world.

"A party for a poisoner and a con-artist. Mrs Beauchamp, really, enough is enough." Tess Bateman-Fairhead was not happy with Mrs Beauchamp's latest plans.

"But it's good news about those twins" Connie reasoned, adding: "And what happened with Zoe's husband was an accident."

"Mrs Beauchamp. If I was such a bad cook that I gave somebody excessive food poisoning I would either take lessons or pay somebody to cook for me!"

"Lessons! Cookery lessons! Tess, you're a genius! I'll look for teachers on the net this afternoon while they're having their party. Then I'll recommend strongly to Zoe that she joins the classes.

"We'll all be dead in six months" wailed Tess.

Rita, who once again, had her beloved clipboard, was standing in the corridor.

"Lovely news, people, sorry, prisoners. A party this afternoon to celebrate the fact that Mrs Beauchamp-Calvini and Mr Calvini have been granted custody of Max and Zoe's twins!"

Zoe beamed. Then a look of rage passed over her face.

"I see! So I don't even merit being told privately in Mrs Beauchamp's office now?"

Rita hung her head and looked contrite.

"I'm so sorry! I forgot Mrs Beauchamp said not to tell why you were getting a party. She was going to have you in the office later this morning.

Zoe was slightly mollified but almost jeopardised the chance of attending her own party as she snapped:

"You can be really dopey at times, Miss Freeman!"

Rita's pretty face crumpled.

"How ungrateful can you be, Zoe? Biting Rita's head off like that in front of everybody. And she's not dopey, she's smarter than people think. I ought to ban you from your own party, but if you attend it and apologise to Rita in front of everybody we'll call it quits."

"Thanks Mrs Beauchamp."

Zoe knew when she was out of order, Dixie had called her an ungrateful cow and even kind Robyn had been short with her.

Zoe heard all the applause when the others heard the news about the twins and swallowed.

"Thank you. But there's somebody here who I owe the biggest of apologies to. Rita, I was well out of order today. You're not dopey. You're a star."

"Rita" shouted Mrs Bateman-Fairhead, as Rita ran across to Zoe, beaming with her arms outstretched, "We do not hug the prisoners!"

She turned to her husband and said grumpily:

"Charlie, this is what happens when you have a celebration party for prisoners. The penal system is going to the dogs."

"Shut up and have a cheese straw, darling", said the affable Mr Fairhead.

Meanwhile, Connie was trying an experiment. She was leading a new inmate, Spike, over to Robyn and Dixie. Spike, arrested and imprisoned for taking part in a robbery, was named because of his blond spikey hair. Though nothing like Ben Chiltern in looks – Spike was tanned, blond and a little on the chunky side – he was very like Ben in temperament. Pleasant and a little nervous.

At least it used to be Ben's temperament, although so far only Dylan Keogh and one other person knew about that.

"And there's a good library here" Robyn said.

"Not much good to me, libraries" Spike admitted mournfully, "I can't get on with all them classical books like Pride and Prejudice and whatnot. I only like Harry Potter."

"Harry Potter's awesome! Who's your favourite? I like Sirius Black."

"Snape! Cos all the way through you think he's a wrong 'un and then you find out that he's working for Dumbledore all the time…"

Big Mac, who was only halfway through the last book, suddenly emptied his Red Bull over Spike's head.

Robyn thumped Big Mac.

Chaos ensued.

"Told them the parties were a bad idea" Tess reminded Charlie later.

(


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Things went on almost quietly for Ethan after the first unnerving meeting with Ben Chiltern. Ethan couldn't help wondering why Ben had gone to the bad. Was it a need for revenge on women after Bonnie's vicious attack on him? But then the Devil's rule seemed to be 'No hitting the girls". Maybe it was the painful leg surgery Ben must have gone through in the last two years. Ethan decided to stop brooding on Chiltern and keep himself sharp for his visits to the Goldmine.

It was probably as well he did because when he next strode in, none of the other villains had turned up apart from Sylvia, who was wide-eyed and babbling. Ethan gave her a quick shake to calm her.

"Jasmine Liu. I've seen her, boss."

"Where?"

"In the middle of town."

"Oh hell."

Ethan sincerely hoped he wouldn't be commissioned by Devil to shut Jasmine's mouth permanently for her.

"What was she doing?"

"Singing hymns with her tambourine. She's become a nun. People chucked money at her and she chucked it back saying heaven would look after her."

"I'll check her out tomorrow. Get me a drink. Martini. Shaken, not stirred."

"Ooh get you, boss."

"GET ME THAT MARTINI!"

Ethan mulled things over and decided he'd better send two of the other guys to take a look at the nun.

He was exhausted when he got home and fell asleep shortly after his dinner.

Bel, coming into the room to ask if she could scrounge a DVD to play in her room, realised this was a deep sleep, and decided to try something. If he awoke and went ape sh*t, that was her problem, but she had to know how bad things were with that mask. Bel was falling for Darrin King big time, and wasn't sure if she liked that. Maybe seeing his scarred deformed face might cure her and she could just feel sorry for him after that.

Creeping up to him, with the lightest touch possible, she slipped off the mask. And had to bite her lips together not to cry out.

Darrin King had no scars, no acid burns. He was plain gorgeous.

She slipped the mask into position and went to make herself a hot drink.

What in hell was this 'destroyed face' tripe about?

The next day Sobersides and Elvis were sent on a mission to see if the nun recognised them at all. Not a flicker. All she did was sang, chucked money back, and the occasional prayer. They were a bit disappointed that Darrin's instructions didn't include "If she remembers you, lure her to a dark alley and whack out her brains", but went back to report to the boss as promised.

Ethan/Darrin decided to let sleeping nuns lie. If he confronted her she might betray him. If he didn't confront her she might betray him anyway. Doing nothing was the best option.

He didn't realise that betrayal would come from another source.

Meanwhile, Zoe Hanna-Walker had had enough.

It was heaven for that hour when Mrs Beauchamp and Calvino came to visit the jail with the babies, but for the rest of the week Zoe was moody and disruptive.

Max, who really wanted to reform now, was becoming exasperated by her behaviour.

"Look, sweetheart" he'd cajoled her at breakfast, "Some prisoners don't even see their babies. We get to see Harry and Hermione every week…"

Max had deplored Zoe's choice of names for the babies, but she'd browbeaten him in the end. Now she was doing the same thing about this issue.

"You wouldn't understand. They're getting bottle fed instead of… oh for goodness sake, Max!"

Max, though streetwise in a lot of things, had gone as red as a brick thinking of his wife breast feeding her twins.

"I may only be a bloody useless man but I've got feelings, Zoe!"

On hearing his voice rise, Tess Bateman-Fairhead stalked over to them.

"Do you two want to sit apart for breakfast? Because if I had my way…"

"Oh shut up, shut up, shut UP, you old hag!"

The next thing, Zoe had emptied her cereal into Tess's lap. Tess looked down in horror as cornflakes and milk clung to her skirt.

She saw Jacob and Iain coming to restrain her and made a bolt for it. Even though they were stronger than she was, Zoe was lighter on her feet, and kept running.

"How are things going, mate?"

Ethan kept a wary eye on the door. Bel was upstairs having a shower.

"Not bad. You might like to check out the new attraction in the town square though… a singing nun. She'll remind you of somebody. From all appearances it looks as if she's flipped but I could do with one of you guys taking a look. Could you go today?"

"Sorry mate. Zoe Hannah's on the roof and threatening to jump. In a thunderstorm. Get back to you, okay?"

The world's gone mad, thought Ethan.

"Zoe, please. You'll break my heart if you jump. People can die of broken hearts. Don't do this to me."

"I get my twins and I'll come down the stairs. No twins, and I jump."

"Zoe!" Mrs Bateman-Fairhead had her say. "You keep on showing off like this and…. NO, Zoe!"

Zoe had sidled closer to the edge of the roof. Connie was openly weeping, and Rita took the opportunity to give her a supportive hug.

"Zoe, darling. Listen. I'm out in two years and you're out in four. We can make more babies. You're young enough. Look, you''ll get pneumonia from all this rain, come down now please."

"Bugger off, Max!"

Connie snatched the loudhailer from Max, who was too broken to care.

"Zoe, if you come down now, we'll bring the twins round twice a week. You're destroying poor Max, now think about that and use a bit of sense."

Surprisingly, the next person to ask for the loudhailer was Robyn.

"ZOE! Do you know how ungrateful you are, you whiney cow? I'd give anything to have a baby but I can't even have that yet."

Spike was gesturing frantically at her and Robyn suddenly realised what he was miming.

"Even if Spike does love me, like he's just said, we'd have to wait till we were both out. Spike's just started his sentence. And you've got two gorgeous twins and…."

"I'm coming down."

Everybody cheered but too soon. Lightning flashed. Zoe suddenly realised just how scared she was in storms.

"I'm going to be struck by lightning!"

"Hang right in there, Zoe. I'm coming."

The speaker wasn't Max, but Robyn. Everbody looked on in awe as the small red-haired figure calmly walked over to the sobbing Zoe, took her hand, and guided her back to the door that led back into the attic.

Max, all his annoyance with Zoe forgotten, grabbed them both in a bear hug. All three were sent to the infirmary to be checked over, Max for shock and the other two for any flu symptoms. Dr Keogh was grumpier than normal lately, but he was as patient as he could be with them all.

And Spike Willets knew he'd found true love. Robyn Miller was a superhero in his eyes.

Across town, Bel decided she was going to confront Darrin King about the meaning of the mask.

(


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

UNDERCOVER CHAPTER 13

Ethan came home from a soul-destroying evening at the Goldmine. Snakebite had been at his most venomous, Elvis his most moronic and Sobersides as miserable as hell.. The girls had been mouthing off and it had taken all Ethan's self control not to let Darrin follow Snakebite's advice to 'smack them in the gob, you'll only have to do it once.' Even Sylvia, normally servile ever since Darrin had saved 'her' life, had been awkward.

He collapsed on the sofa and as Bel came into the front room to ask what time he wanted dinner, just said tersely:

"Two Co-Codamols, please, Bel, and a strong coffee."

She'd provided them, and he'd felt better and asked for some soup and crusty bread, a childhood favourite of his. He'd told her to cook anything she liked for herself so she had some pasta in cheese sauce. Bel had a very healthy appetite and never seemed to gain an ounce. Feeling better after his soup, he'd asked her for an ice cream sundae. Another childhood treat.

"There's a whole bloody Gelateria in the fridge, Bel, put a couple of tubs out to melt a bit, any flavour, surprise me."

Later after they'd gorged themselves on Pistachio and Café Latte ice cream, and he'd relaxed, she seized her moment.

"Darrin?"

"Yeah?"

"I did something wrong a couple of days back."

"Okay girl, don't sweat it, it's not coming out of your wages because you don't get any!"

But as he chuckled at his own weak joke, he realised she was looking serious.

"I took that mask off you while you were asleep. You're gorgeous."

"F*CK, Bel! What the hell did you do that for?"

"I wanted to see if I could look at you without it on. Why did you tell me you were disfigured?"

He made a decision and stood up.

"I'm going to have to do something about this, girl."

She misunderstood him and faced him, trying to look as brave as possible.

"So how are you going to do it? A gun? Wring my neck?"

She laughed bitterly:

"At least I'll die with a full gut."

"Shut up and answer me one thing. That lot at the Goldmine, do you hate them?"

"Of course I hate them! They – they were going to r-rape me, Darrin, the whole lot of 'em, just for the laugh. Then you saved me from all that."

Ethan sighed.

"Bel, I think you're sound and I'm going to trust you. I'm not Darrin King."

"Who the buggering hell are you, then?"

"My name's Ethan Raceheart…"

"But he's dead, isn't he? Got himself shot for trying to take that smarmy git Sleaze hostage."

"Do I look dead? Bel, my death was faked. I'm working with the police to bring that lot at the Goldmine down. Soon I'll have enough evidence to put them away for years."

Now he'd let go, all he could feel was a wave of pure relief. Then the nagging doubts set in. But what the hell? She might be decent yet.

"Hey, I'm not telling on you! You saved my life. And I'm safe from that scum here. I know what side my bread's buttered on, D-Ethan."

"Good. But just to be extra careful, I'm not going to be letting you go out any more. I'll buy you a laptop and a Kindle to play on and get you some DVD's in – you'll have to tell me what you like because you never know with girls. There's a mini gym upstairs, you can use that. You can sit in the garden if you want fresh air. But that's as far as you go, get it? And no phone calls out from here. I'll be checking your mobile every day."

"Okay. That'll be great."

At the time she really meant it.

The Jeffs waited outside Dr Keogh's door. They'd hoped it would be Ms Harrison but she'd gone for a day trip to the Dr Who Experience. And Dr Keogh had been really grizzly lately.

"Wonder if he's split with Ben? Not heard him talking about Ben for a long time now."

"Maybe I should ask him how Ben's going on?" was Jeff Big Mac's suggestion.

"Not when he's giving you the flu jab, you Muppet! He could infect you with lurgy if you upset him."

"Hey, do you reckon they've gone in for adoption and been rejected?"

The door opened and a glowering Dylan stood there.

"NO, we have not gone in for adoption and been rejected, Chalker. You can expect to find yourself in Mrs Beauchamp's office explaining why you decided to gossip about me outside my door. Now get in here and shut up, all right?"

From Jeff's yelp of pain, it was obvious Dylan wasn't handing out a spoonful of sugar with the flu jabs. Jeff Collier decided to flee this time and hope the good doctor would forget. But…

"Collier! Wherever you're off to, get your miserable butt in here first!"

Ben sat in his front room, his face stony. He wondered if Dylan would find somebody else, it would be the best thing. Because with the path he himself had chosen to take, there were only two possible endings. One was to succeed at all costs, no matter what the damage on the journey. The other was in a coffin. And the way he felt right now, the second outcome looked about as inviting as the first.

"Hi, Calvino, isn't it? I wonder if you could tell me where to find Mrs Beauchamp?"

Calvino wanted to say "Probably under the shrubbery with Miss Freeman" but he was too loyal to Connie to do that. Besides, here was Lara Stone again looking very pretty. She had a cat basket with her, from which soft purring could be heard.

"My goodness, is that Psycho? He has changed."

"He's been changed, bless him. He's a different cat now."

Just then Rita came along, not quite skipping but very close to it. Rita loved garden days because she got to wear her sunhat. Even though it was early October.

"Ah, hello, Ms Stone. Is that Psycho?"

"Want to stroke him?"

Rita backed away a little nervously.

"He is a changed kitty, Rita, you should not be afraid of him any more."

Calvino watched as Lara opened the cat basket. Rita backed away a little then cooed:

"Awwww!" as the old cat rubbed against her legs.

It looked as if not only the Jeffs, but Calvino, were going to have a new friend.

Back in the flat, Bel put the finishing touches to her make -up and looked at her dress in the mirror.

Ethan just had to fall for her tonight, and she wanted him so much.

She sprayed a little more perfume as she heard his key in the lock.

(


	14. Chapter 14

UNDERCOVER CHAPTER 14

WARNING: More naughty swearing than usual in this chapter

It had been an easier night at the Goldmine. Sylvia, who had been nagging Darrin for a loan to change his sex permanently, because he felt comfortable as a girl, had accepted that it was too big a financial risk for Darrin. Snakebite had been gobby but not toxic, and Elvis had kept the impersonation for his cabaret act down in the basement. The girls had been less bitchy.

He let himself in and found Bel in a slinky dress and make-up. He was at once suspicious.

"You've not been out, Bel? I told you-"

"No, this is for you."

"WHAT?"

"Ethan, I always fancied you. Now I know you're not a villain, I've come to really care for you. I know you feel the same…"

She began slipping off his jacket and stroking his chest. He gently removed her hands.

"NO, Bel. Look, I like you as a pal. I really do, you're a decent kid. But I have a wife and stepdaughter back at home and I love them with all my heart."

"But you're a long way away from them. And I'm here. I'm not asking you to love me back or anything, just let me love you tonight."

The coldness in his voice shocked her.

"Bel, get yourself to bed. This isn't working out. I'll pay for you to rent your own flat, but I can't have you here any more. Not like this. Look, don't start crying, I'm not angry. Just go on up, wash off that slap, and go to bed. You can pack tomorrow."

She gave him a long look then her shoulders sagged in defeat and she went upstairs.

He made himself a hot drink, took yet another couple of tablets, and sat brooding for ages before he went up to his own cold bed alone.

"You're not really bringing those twins in twice a week? Connie, she blackmailed you into saying that and you owe her nothing."

Connie looked Tess straight in the eye.

"I promised her and I'm keeping to that. We'll keep an eye on her and if she starts showing off again, I'll give her a warning. But I agreed to this deal and that's it."

Tess sniffed. Then she said, more gently:

"Nice little things, though, aren't they?"

"Adorable. But Hermione's going to get some stick when she starts school!"

Max, who had managed to get some 'quality time' behind the garden sheds with Zoe, was saying the same as they were both relaxing afterwards.

"You know, babe, Hermione's going to be bullied about her name when she goes to school. It's human nature.

"Yeah, I did think of that. Besides, there's somebody I owe for saving my life. So how about Robyn Hermione?"

"Cool."

The original Robyn, and Spike, were working in the garden. They'd been trusted enough to use the battery operated hedge trimmer.

"Robyn?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you – um – would you be my girlfriend?"

The hedge trimmer went a little wild and whole chunks of privet fell on Connie and Rita, who brushed it off and ran off as quietly as they could after a shock like that. There'd be no punishment for Robyn unless they wanted to confess they were getting up close and personal under the hedge.

But Robyn didn't know that, and looked squashed.

"I've wrecked the hedge. Mrs Beauchamp'll kill me."

"Don't fret, sweets. She can't expel you!" Spike teased, making Robyn laugh again.

"Don't worry about the hedge, Robyn, we'll get one of the Jeffs to trim it with the power saw next week."

"Thank you Mrs Beauchamp."

"You'll be up for parole soon, won't you?"

Robyn beamed.

"Yes, and I'm going to wait for Spike if I get out. He asked me to be his girl the other day."

"Would that be the moment when you hacked a few chunks out of the hedge?" asked Mrs Beauchamp, but her eyes were kind.

Ms Liversedge was holding one of her classes again. These classes had been known to end in violence.

"Now, let's hear your effort, Jeff Big Mac. You remember I asked you to do a modern version of a nursery rhyme. What do you have for us?"

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great *****."

"NO, Jeff" said the horrified Ms Liversedge, "That's disgusting. I mean, it doesn't even rhyme! Now don't look squashed. We can reset it in America so we can have:

"Humpty Dumpty sat by the crick… and so on. You see?"

There was a thud. Rita, in charge of the inmates for the day, had fallen off her seat laughing.

Jeff Collier, who fancied Rita, helped her back up.

"Now if Miss Freeman's quite finished, maybe Robyn has something good for us. Read me yours, Robyn dear."

"Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, kissed the girls and made them cry.

When they boys came out to play – time for fifty shades of grey!"

"Gold star, Robyn Miller!"

Spike whispered:

"I'm so proud of you!"

Even the Jeffs' mocking sneers couldn't ruin Robyn's day.

"I can't believe he's the same cat."

Jeff Big Mac stroked Psycho's chunky neck and the old tabby purred in contentment.

Dixie, never one for tact, commented as she walked past:

"He's dead old isn't he, though? If he lasts the year I'll be surprised."

The Jeffs had fallen in love with Psycho, and Dixie's comment was very ill-timed. Jeff Collier was trimming the hedge with the power saw. It swung round threateningly in Dixie's direction. If she hadn't jumped out of the way she would have literally been beheaded.

The saw was hastily switched off but the damage had been done.

There was a thud as Jeff Collier fainted in shock.

"I have enough to do in this infirmary without having to give anti-shock treatment to a pair of fools!"

Why was Dr Jess never around, thought Jeff miserably and why was Dr Keogh so grumpy lately?

"It was my fault" he said generously, "Dixie said that Psycho the cat was old and he might not last another year and I love that cat."

"Oh for crying out loud! If the cat dies, what you do is go to Mrs Beauchamp and ask if you can have a f*cking kitten! Now get out, both of you!"

Dixie and Jeff, united by Dr Keogh's rudeness, hugged.

Dr Keogh was about to 'go off on one' with them when somebody literally fell through his door, gasping:

"Mrs Beauchamp sent me up here."

Lily Chao, alias Jasmine Liu, alias the Singing Nun.

Then she passed out.

(


	15. Chapter 15

UNDERCOVER CHAPTER 15

WARNING: Threats of violence, dark content in general.

Dylan had called Holby General as soon as he could, knowing he couldn't help Lily pull through with the limited resources he had in the prison infirmary. She'd had a violent blow to the head at some time within the last two weeks. He stayed close by her until the ambulance came. During that time he'd had a sickening shock. Lily had actually said the words "Ben…you mustn't hit me." Dylan had wanted to vomit, but then a little later Lily spoke again. This time her words were "Ben said you weren't to hit us girls, Snakebite."

He still felt a little queasy, wondering what the hell Ben might be mixed up in, but at least whatever Chiltern had become, he was protecting women in some way.

After Lily had been taken to the hospital, he had a word with Jacob and only felt marginally better.

Snakebite was one of the villains in Operation Yellow Devil, and was known to the police as dangerous. Darrin King, of course, was Raceheart's other persona. But Jacob had confirmed that none of the other police involved in the case could vouch for Ben Chiltern.

Dylan was able to take his angst out on Max, who had fancied a break from his prison duties, so had conveniently 'fallen' off a ladder in the garden, breaking his ankle. Zoe's scathing words to her husband were nothing like as scathing as Dylan's were. Max almost wished he hadn't bothered. Not only would he be hobbling round for two weeks, but the good doctor had suggested to Mrs Beauchamp that there was nothing stopping Max working in the prison library, indexing all the books. He would rather watch paint dry.

Meanwhile, Lara Stone kept finding reasons to visit the prison. She'd found a DVD about the habits of older cats. She'd brought a food supplement that Psycho might like. Connie Beauchamp wasn't stupid by any means but she was lost for words, when, coming to find Rita in the vegetable garden, had passed the rose garden and hadseen Lara and Calvino having what could only be described as a full-on snog.

"I am sorry, Connie, but you have your little Rita and… well, I felt so frustrated and left out at times. You will always be in my heart but I think I could have a very happy future with Lara."

"I get that, Vino, I really do. But…"

"You are worried that the media will pick up on this, and that evil Jordan and Meyer will try to make trouble for you? I have a suggestion here. I can be the bad guy for the media; we can give out the story that I seduced Lara and you caught us together and your heart was broken, so you wish for a divorce. Lara will not need to suffer the press's nastiness for too long, if at all, we have planned to move back to Balsovia again. You will, of course, keep the house and I will happily keep funding this prison."

He kissed Connie's hand.

"You saved my life, and for that I will always be grateful, and now it is time for me to move along and let you be happy with the little Rita."

"Calvino, you are one of the most generous men I have ever been lucky enough to know. I wish you all the best for the future."

"I wish you the same, my dearest friend Connie. Rita is a very lucky lady."

Dylan put down the phone slowly. The infirmary had called; Lily's operation had been successful. Once her full memory was recovered, she would be able to speak out about the happenings in the Goldmine. Which meant Ben could be rotting in prison for a long time to come.

"Why, you greedy little bastard?" he wept.

Meanwhile, alone in her flat, Bel had had enough. Her rejection by Ethan had gnawed at her mind, until she could stand no more. She dialled a number.

"Snakebite. Oh, it's you, you dumb bitch. Got a message from King?"

"No. I've a message for you to pass on to Devil. About King."

"And what would that be, dumbass?"

"He's not Darrin King. He's a detective called Ethan Raceheart, and he's working undercover to get you lot arrested and the Goldmine closed. Devil might want to take action."

Over in his seedy flat, Snakebite smirked. Oh, Devil would want to take action all right.

That very evening.

"Well done, Slag. Now get off my f*cking phone."

Bel did. And sat there, stony faced.

"If I can't have you, Ethan, nobody can."

"Devil speaking."

"Boss, guess what? That little shit Darrin King's not who he says he is. He's a bleedin' undercover cop called Ethan Raceheart. You know, the one who was supposedly shot dead by the police at Holby Park. Turns out it was a fake job. We've all of us – you included, Boss – been taken in by that piece of crap."

"He's due in the Goldmine tonight, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Around nine o' clock."

"Sweet. I'll be paying a visit around quarter past. Put it this way, Snake, you lot are going to get some entertainment tonight. Don't go blabbing to the tarts, though. I want to see their faces when they find out. Oh, and it won't just be Raceheart who gets offed. I'm intending to wipe out the entire Raceheart family."

"No shit! Now that I'd pay to watch-"

Ben snapped:

"I'll be taking care of all that side of it. You'll just be told when I've done it."

"Shame."

Ben switched off his phone and all but threw it across the room. F*ck. He hadn't wanted this. Not yet, not tonight. But it was no good letting a spy like King live.

Now both Darrin King and Ethan Raceheart would die that night, and he'd also be making a detour to where his wife and kid were staying.

It was going to be a long night.

(


	16. Chapter 16

UNDERCOVER CHAPTER 16

WARNING: Threats of violence, at least two character deaths

The doorbell to the flat sounded as somebody was leaning on it. Bel walked over to the door, her remorse and misery echoing in her body language, and opened it.

The first thing she felt was Snakebite's fist in her face.

"Get into the car, bitch. Now King – oops sorry, Raceheart – and his family are going to die, that means he's not protecting you any more. So you're going back to the Goldmine and anybody who wants you, has you."

Bel spat out a mouthful of blood so she could speak.

"His family?"

"Yeah, Devil's going to pay a little visit to his house before he comes to the Goldmine. He's going to finish Honey and Melanie – that's their names, isn't it? – and then come and do Raceheart."

Bel's horror was beyond nausea.

"Oh God what have I done?"

"You've done us all a favour, slag, and we owe you. Unfortunately now we're taking over 'Darrin's finances, you owe us for what he's shelled out for this flat, so that means we owe you f*ck-all. Mean old world, isn't it?"

Honey was reading Melanie her favourite bedtime story, The Gruffalo. Melanie was chuckling at the cleverness of the crafty little mouse, when there was a sharp short couple of knocks at the door.

"Stay there, baby, I'll just go and answer that."

She opened the door and recognised the man standing there.

"Oh, it's Ben, from the care home! How are-"

He cut her off.

"Get Melanie. Then both of you get in my car, no arguing."

"You're joking, at this time?"

Ben showed her what was in his pocket and she went pale.

Running upstairs, she shouted:

"Melanie, baby, get your coat, we're going for a ride."

Ten minutes later, having had an anonymous tip-off, Jacob and Iain hammered at the same door. Receiving no response, they broke it down.

Iain came back downstairs, almost weeping.

"They're gone."

"I'll find out where he's taken them, and if he's killed them, I'll put a bullet in Chiltern's gut myself", Jacob said unsmilingly.

Down at the Goldmine, Ben arrived first, Ethan, feeling exhausted and not having received a reply from Honey when he'd called her, had taken a rather longer power nap.

"So" Ben said with a vicious smirk, "Wife Raceheart and Baby Raceheart are taken care of."

"Blow their heads off, did you, Boss?"

"Why waste a bullet on a woman and kid?"

Ben mimed snapping neck a neck with his hands.

"Honey."

He mimed hitting somebody over the head with a blunt instrument.

"Melanie. Hey" he continued, in a fake Scottish accent, "Brain a bairn service!"

The gang laughed sycophantically.

Inside, his soul felt dead.

"Boss, can I put the first bullet in Raceheart's guts?"

"Certainly not. Because that would be murder and what I do to Raceheart is going to be an execution just like in the U S of A!"

Elvis got excited.

"You're never gonna fry him, Boss?"

Ben's sensuous mouth curved in a sneer.

"Oh yeah, I'm setting up a chair and plugging it in. No, cretin – "

He took a syringe out of his pocket.

"Lethal injection. In a little while, Raceheart's heart won't be racing ever again, if you know what I mean."

Cheers. Ben waited for them to die down.

"Just one more killing to do in here before he comes in. Elvis!"

Elvis wet himself, to the others' disgust.

"Y-you're not going to kill me, Boss?"

"No, you're going to kill Elvis. He's making me want to puke every time I see you. Get down to that basement and come back up as plain old Patrick Spiller, okay? And have a wash first!"

Weeping, but not daring to query the alternative, Elvis fled downstairs. He ran up again, seconds later, his face green.

"Boss! It's that Bel. She's slit her own throat."

Ben pushed him aside and ran downstairs. He came back, his pale skin almost white, but he was calm. There was blood on his suit.

"Yeah, she's topped herself. Now you get back down and change."

"Boss, I can't go in that room again-"

The sound of a footstep on the stair saved Elvis's miserable hide.

The whole group put on fake smiles.

"Good evening, _Ethan_."

Ethan's pulse raced. They knew. Oh f*ck.

He tried to brazen it out:

"Why would you call me that?"

Supporting himself on his crutches, Ben came over to Ethan and ripped the mask off him.

"I don't see acid burns. All I see is a bloody weasel of a cop. Snake, Sobersides. Sit him in that chair and tie him up."

They did so, Snake pushing the struggling Ethan down as hard as he could. As his tailbone hit the chair, Ethan moaned in pain. They tied his hands.

"Now he can't hit you, Boss, tell him the best bit."

Ben moved across the room once more.

"Oh yeah. Don't worry about your wife and kid grieving for you, they're not around any more. Your whole family's gone after tonight, Ethan. And now…"

Ben rolled up Ethan's sleeve. Ethan looked at him, almost comatose with grief; defeated.

"Nice little cocktail of poisons for you here, Ethy baby. Hope you're not scared of needles!"

"If Honey and Melanie are gone, I'm beyond caring. But if there's a hell, Ben, you'll be going there and I hope it's sooner rather than later."

"Shut up" Ben replied tonelessly.

Following the instructions he'd been given by his source, he injected Ethan, who struggled for a while then went limp. Ben put his ear to Ethan's heart.

"Dead."

The gang cheered, all except a horrified Elvis who received such a venomous look from Snakebite that he managed a weak 'yay'.

"Now get the f*ck out of here for ten minutes, I'm drained."

Ben sat down, head in hands. He felt beyond sick at what he'd just been part of, yet he'd had no choice.

The others filed out, almost in awe.

A/N Anybody reading this is likely to hate Ben by now. Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger, but it really does work better for the suspense. (At least I hope so.)

(


	17. Chapter 17

UNDERCOVER CHAPTER 17

WARNING: Threats of violence, character death, graphic language and minor smut.

Ethan, Honey and Melanie were walking hand in hand in a kind of celestial Disneyland. Everywhere they turned, there were lush rivers, verdant meadows. The sky was as bright as summer, but there was no sticky heatwave, just warm, fresh air. Lions and tigers, now as docile as puppies, kept running up to them and indicating that they wanted to be hugged. Birds perched on their shoulders, unafraid.

"We're here forever, baby" Honey whispered to Melanie, "Nobody will ever hurt you again.

Ethan smiled at them. They were all at peace now…

"Ethan! Wake the f*ck up! We've got under ten minutes to get to my car!"

Ben Chiltern, the cold-hearted murdering bastard, was shaking him. Ethan was catapulted into stark reality. His girls were dead and he'd survived a botched lethal injection.

"Don't touch me! Did you look into Melanie's eyes before you battered her to death, Ben? Did you? And you couldn't even finish me properly! Well, do that now."

"Shut up and bloody stand up."

Ethan had no desire to stand up or even shut up. He wanted to be with his girls.

"Just kill me, Ben, stop playing cat and mouse. You had every chance when you came out of jail and you had to go to the dark side, didn't you? You- f*ck!"

This last expletive was because Ben had punched him. It kept Ethan quiet for a moment, during which Ben pushed something under his nose.

A badge that clearly stated:

"Benjamin Chiltern, Special Branch."

"I'm on your side, you stupid shit. Now get moving, I have enough trouble on these bloody crutches!"

"Ben… you're one of us?"

Ben nodded, as Ethan struggled to walk to the door.

"I'm sorry I had to put you through that, Ethan. If it helps it was like ripping out my own guts, pretending I'd killed that lovely little kid of yours. But yes, I'm a cop. It's a shame our lot didn't tell your lot about me, but there you go."

"Just tell me… they're really alive? Where are they?"

"At my Auntie Jeannie's house in Southend. Move your arse, for Chrissake, Ethan."

"But why-?"

"Safe house. I'm getting you to a hospital, that injection might not have been lethal but it's f*cked up your heart rate."

They'd reached the bottom of the stairs.

"I really thought you were going to kill me, Ben."

"I didn't" a third voice sneered.

Snakebite, with a gun, stood at the top of the stairs. Ben took out his own gun and fired with a reflex action just as Snakebite did the same. Both Ben and Snakebite crumpled to the ground. Ethan could see Snakebite clearly; the hole in his forehead and the emptiness of his unseeing eyes showed that he was gone.

"Ben?"

Ethan forced himself to look what had happened to Ben. A low, angry moan suddenly came from the ground near him.

"My leg! My GOOD leg!"

The next thing, the cops – Ethan's lot – arrived.

"Don't kill Ben, he's on our side" Ethan managed to say before blacking out.

"We know that now. Hang in there, Ben, mate."

The paramedics came in; they were gentle with Ben and Ethan, and with the corpse from the back room that Ben still had to tell Ethan about. They ignored Snakebite. It was more important to get the two living guys to hospital and poor Bel to a mortuary. Besides, forensics would want to check Snakebite over.

"So Snakebite was the real villain?"

"He was. Total git. You know he was the one who hit Lily?"

"I had my suspicions. It's Charlie Fairhead I feel sorry for. It can't be easy having to bury your own kid, even when that kid was a callous b*stard."

Ben and Ethan were lying side by side in hospital beds. Ethan had been checked out and was just being kept in overnight to make sure he was completely healed. Work on Ben's leg would take a little longer; Ben was going to have to learn to walk all over again.

"Ben…. You do know I don't wish you in hell any more?"

"Glad to hear it."

Ben was in his own private hell. First of all, he'd have to tell Ethan about Bel sometime soon, and that would be painful. Then there would be all the lonely weeks of healing without Dylan to comfort him.

The next moment something happened to hurt Ben even more deeply, although for Ethan it was a miracle.

"Daddy Ethan!"

Melanie, with Honey close behind her, was running towards Ethan's bed.

Ben said tactfully:

"My head still feels like sh- er – should feel better. I'm going to try to sleep."

He turned on his side and closed his eyes.

"Daddy Ethan, we've been to the seaside, and I paddled and I thought I'd like candy floss but it's nasty and made me sick."

"You owe my Auntie Jeannie for her coat to be dry cleaned, by the way" Ben murmured at this point.

"Oh God, it's good to see you, Ethan! You'll be able to come back alive now, won't you?"

Ethan hugged his dizzy little wife.

"I believe the police are working on that one."

"Wait till I come out of here, Mel. We'll all go back to the seaside together. And I think it's time for me to say yes to you having a puppy."

Melanie squealed in joy.

Ben did his best to try and fall asleep but the pain in his heart was too much. Dylan should know the truth by now, but he probably still resented Ben for the whole deception.

Wearily, he shouted across:

"Nurse? Please could I have more painkillers?"

"Trust you, Chiltern. Yelling for a nurse when there's a perfectly competent doctor around"

No. It couldn't be.

But there was Dylan, waving a newpaper in his estranged husband's face.

"You stupid, flea-brained, pig-headed BRAVE little asshole!"

The nurse hurried over.

"Please, sir, can you watch the language and be a little more quiet?"

Ben looked across at the paper and saw his own photograph next to one of Ethan. His tired eyes scanned the headline but it wasn't that he was interested in right now.

Later that evening when Dylan had been all but thrown out by the exasperated nurse, leaving Ben with a promise that he'd be moving back in as soon as Ben was discharged, Ethan learned what had happened to Bel. He wept and the nurse came over to reprimand Ben for upsetting him.

"Please don't be annoyed with him, he only told me something I needed to know. But oh, that poor silly girl."

"What were you supposed to do, betray Honey?

"But to kill herself, and such a vile way…"

The nurse hurried over.

"Right, Mr Raceheart, I'm giving you a sedative to make you sleep, and Mr Chiltern, I'm giving you one to shut you up."

Story of my life, getting the blame for something I didn't do, thought Ben as the needle went into his arm.

But the peace and calm that followed was invaluable.

"Ben?" said Ethan out of the blue in the early hours.

"Mmm..?"

"Why Yellow Devil anyway?"

Ben gave an embarrassed little laugh.

"It's a tattoo I've got."

"Oh? What and where?"

"Of a devil that looks like a certain doctor I care about."

"Where?" pestered Ethan.

"Under my left nipple. Now _shutyourpiehole_."

(


	18. Chapter 18

UNDERCOVER CHAPTER 18

Rita was extremely disappointed that she wouldn't be able to stand with her clipboard and announce the true facts of Operation Yellow Devil to the whole of Holby prison, but did understand when Connie explained about Louis Fairhead. It would be horribly tactless to shout it out at a meeting.

"I don't know, Tess, you do your best for them and… this" Charlie whispered sorrowfully that evening in their home. Charlie's eyes were red but his tears had now dried.

"It's not your fault, Charlie. You need to be less hard on yourself."

"I've even had odd moments of hating Ben Chiltern, even though it was self-defence. And it was my son who gloated over the deaths of a woman and toddler. Ben recorded the conversations in a hidden device."

"What surprises me is that how Ben Chiltern ever managed to find the backbone to carry something like that through. He's hardly policeman material."

"There again, Tessie, he'd surprise you. But he's not actually a policeman, just a willing civilian drafted in to an undercover job. He had rigorous training though."

Charlie's voice broke a little, remembering that the training included using a rapid response weapon.

"Put your feet up, Charlie. I'm going to make you a hot chocolate and then you and I are going to sin."

"Are we now?"

"Instead of one of us cooking, we're having a take-away. Any favourites?

"Thai!" smiled Charlie.

"Thai _please_ " reprimanded Tess, slapping her husband's hands gently.

Connie needn't have worried about telling the inmates about Operation Yellow Devil; their little underground system meant that they knew about it almost as soon as the authorities did.

"Young Ben, I cannot believe it! I am so proud of him. Tell him if he and his partner ever want a free holiday in Balsovia they shall have the best," Calvino told Connie during a phone call.

"You tell him, I'm divorcing you, remember?"

"I do remember, but you and I know that this is an amicable split don't we?"

"We do indeed. I wish you'd let it be a public amicable split, Vino."

"Now this is where I must put my leg down! No way will I let those brutes blacken your name. How is the little Rita, by the way?"

"Very disappointed because she couldn't run round telling everybody that Ethan Raceheart is alive."

"Then I shall pig this phone call no longer. You must cheer your little friend up!"

"I'm already letting her wear that sunhat in bed for three days!"

Lily Chao recovered, thanks to the care and attention she received from Dylan. She ate humble pie and came back to teach Tai Chi at Holby jail. She was a changed woman, however, and didn't even snap when Jeff Big Mac said to her:

"Eeh, I've missed seeing your lovely little bum, lass."

"Go and do some Qui Gong in the corner, Jeff, that will calm your desires" replied Lily.

"Ethan?"

"Mmmm?"

"You know that idea about the puppy? We might have to put it on hold."

"Ah, why? I'm all for it."

"I know, but a puppy's not a good thing to have around a new baby. You left me a little souvenir when you crept over to my house that night!"

"Honeeeeee!" Ethan hugged her close. He'd been under stress for the last few months but was now slowly but surely 'getting there'. Then he took Honey's face in his hands and said clearly:

"But you have to know this. I won't love that new baby any more than I do Melanie. Forget all that crap about only being able to love your own, Mel's special."

Honey snuggled into him.

"I know, sweetheart."

"I told you I could keep a secret, Honey Raceheart" Ms Nightshade told her the next day as she sat sipping herbal tea in the Racehearts' front room.

"And you did. I think that deserves a reward. Do you want to be the new baby's godmother?"

"Do I have to stop wearing black and purple and start to shop at Sainsrose?"

"Heck, no, it wouldn't be you!"

"Then I'd be glad to accept."

Dylan was kissing Ben's Yellow Devil tattoo.

"Make the most of that, it's going soon."

"No, darling, it'll hurt!"

"I want to forget Yellow Devil ever existed, Dylan."

"Ah, I bet he was fun when he wasn't being a sh*t."

"No he wasn't. He was a piece of work and I'll enjoy killing him off."

"So… how do you feel about adoption now?" Dylan asked.

"Do you really think I'm fit to be a dad?"

"Oh, I reckon so, Ben. You're kind and you're still a daft kid yourself at times. You'll ace it."

"Big daft kid, am I, Dillo the Armadillo?"

"Chiltern the Chuff!"

They would have had the most beautiful love making session if Dervla hadn't chosen that moment to run in and sit on them both.

Robyn's parole came up and she was released three months after Operation Yellow Devil. She agreed to wait for Spike, who had eighteen months left to serve. He couldn't believe it when he came out of prison and saw Robyn beaming and waving at him from across the road.

"I didn't think you'd wait. I thought you'd have been snapped up by another lad while you were out."

"But it's you I want" Robyn grinned, and they zoomed off to a happy future in the taxi.

Finally, Zoe's case was re-opened. She was found guilty of accidental manslaughter and her sentence was cut to three years. Having served that much time already, she was released by the judge. Connie and Rita made sure they took the twins round to see 'Auntie Zoe' regularly in her new flat. They even arranged for 'Uncle Max' to come to Connie's office on the pretext of a lecture now and then, where he found his twins waiting for him to cuddle. It was almost as good as having the twins to themselves, and Max only had four more years to go.

The new prisoners filed through.

Rita stood there, giddy with excitement, and her little clipboard.

"Hey, girlie, I'd like to feel your tits" leered one of the new lot.

Jacob had his arm up his back in seconds.

From her vantage point, Connie smiled serenely. Same old, same old. The Ben Chilterns, the Calvino Calvinis, the Robyn Millers would all come and go but Holby jail would go on forever.

THE END

(


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